I know you thought that you were it, but I a here to tell you that it is official that I am the worst mother in the world. Ellis told me so, so it has to be true. My offence: I offered him grapes in a bowl. I know, how dare I? The audacity of that simple act sent him into hysterics, including, but not limited to: crying, stomping, throwing himself on the floor and hitting. To top it all off, I was not immediately repentant which meant further despair.
In my defence, I had just given him a bowl of grapes that he had happily eaten and then asked for more. My telepathy must have been down for that moment, as I didn't get the sudden thought-memo that clearly stated I was not to give him grapes in a bowl, even though he asked for them. The metal plate in my head doesn''t pick up signals like it used to.
To add insult to injury, rather than thinking about how to diffuse the situation, a Janis Ian song popped into my head and I had to laugh at the line, "Folk is the new black. its's cheaper than crack and you don't have to cook." God, I wish I could have written that!! E man was NOT pleased and "decided" that he had no choice but to retire to a dark room to recover from the sheer trauma of having me as a mother. When do I tell him that its incurable?