When Opportunity Knocks

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If you could do anything, what would you do?

Its been a question I have been asking myself a lot over the last few days, sparked by some interest in my hat designs by a childrenswear distributor. 

From the moment the email hit my inbox, I have spent every free moment plotting my rise to the top of the children's textile industry.  I have looked into manufacturers, contacted other designers, spoke to the Cultural Enterprise Office and thought and planned and dreamed.

 

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I do not know where it is going.  It may be a nonstarter. That will also be OK, because above and beyond anything, this process has got me thinking about what I want be it in a creative field or not. Do I want to move more into design and making? Do I want to invest in photography? What about writing? 

The answers evade me...or more accurately the answers constantly change when I either love or get frustrated with what I am doing. But some very clear things have emerged:

- I need to be working in some way, both for my sanity and for my bank balance

- When I envision this work, for both practical (childcare, the job market) and interest reasons, it needs to be working from home at this stage

- I enjoy design immensely, I am very much a frustrated perfectionist when it comes to finished products...and I am slow...and I have children who are into EVERYTHING

- Debt takes away choices.  Because while ultimately there are many things I (and in many cases 'We') would like to do, our finances keep us back. 

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And finally, this process has thrown the spotlight back onto this blog. In many ways, it is the reason I have this opportunity in the first place. I have always maintained that this space is just about recording our lives.  I do craft and I sell some hats, but ultimately I hold firmly to my mission statement:

"Instructions for living a life. 
Pay attention. 
Be astonished. 
Tell about it." 
— Mary Oliver

However, in most every single conversation about my future, this blog comes up at top of the list of my 'resources'. Am I kicking a gift horse by not using the blog to make money and support my family a little bit and grow my own 'business'? Should I be actively promoting myself? (The thought of which makes me cringe a little bit inside. Not to mention, even if I could get any 'further')

At the end of the day, I don't know the answer to any of these questions and the future remains full of mystery...

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...and children and laundry and the school run and cleaning up the toast that someone not only managed to throw onto the floor, but step in and drag butter-side down across the kitchen...

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