Realities and Blessings

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Reality: I am finding it very hard going at the moment.  If I am honest, I feel like I have lost the best part of a year of my life to this pregnancy.  Most mornings I wake up and cry at the reality of being miserably pregnant and in anticipation of what new and horrible pregnancy-related illness I am going to battle with that day.  And I have had so many to choose from: near constant nausea, horrid insomnia, terrible swelling, pelvic girdle pain, varicose veins, daily uncomfortable sessions of Braxton Hicks that last for hours, exhaustion, heartburn...and a few more that I am too polite to mention in public.

Blessing: But even amongst the reality of what has been such a hard time, I can not help but count my blessings and remember that this baby is oh so wanted and loved.

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10Mar2010_6434

Reality: Ellis is hard work.  No matter which way you slice it, he is a busy boy who can run the entire 1.2 miles to town, cause more mischief in 5 minutes than I could dream up in a day and has a personality that I sometimes only describe as explosive (or with a few curse words). Anything new, any transition, any minor deviation from his expectations or desires, any large group situation all reduce him to flaming ball of pain, upset and sobs like no other child I know. Although I try to respond with understanding and calm, it doesn't always work.

Blessing:  Quite frankly, the child is amazing.  His capacity for imagination astounds me.  He runs up and greet every one of his friends when they enter the room with unbridled enthusiasm and pure love.  He wakes up to meet each day with such life, that it is hard not to be caught up in it (even after 3 hours of sleep).  He is captivating and at the core, I am proud and lucky to have him in my life.

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Reality: I am scared to death of how Ellis is going to react to his new sibling and the reality that mama's time is going to be given to another little life in the house.

Blessing: I have 4 brothers and sisters, 2 sister in laws, one brother in law, 4 nieces, and 3 nephews.  I have never once wished any of them hadn't been born or hadn't been welcomed into the family.  And although we haven't always gotten along and have faced our fair share of heartache, they are some of the best elements of my life.  I have to trust that this will hold true for my children in the future as well.

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25Mar2010_6685

Reality: The reality is that I have been 'just waiting' for this baby for near on 6 weeks. Most other things have fallen away...some by the necessity of my physical inability to do...some because I have lacked the mental space to think about anything else. It has left me in a mental space of wishing my life away, waiting for the clock to tick to nap time(that rare and precious thing)/ Kevin coming home/ night time.  Its a state of mind I do not enjoy, but one I think mothers frequently find themselves in, pregnant or not. 

Blessing: Last night, I started knitting again. A sweater from Vintage Baby Knits. And it felt good and most of all I felt grateful that my hands could be busy doing something I love.

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Inpsired by Maegan's Realities and Blessings

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