I remember when I realised that my pregnant self was not quite as capable as my normal self. I had just gone on maternity leave with Ellis, a few days before he arrived at 35weeks gestation. I was at the old swimming pool, waddling my way from the shower to the lap pool. I slipped and had to catch the arm of an older man in a speedo to stop me from falling over. That small slip threw my pelvis and back all out of whack and caught my breath at just how...feeble...I felt. I struggled to get into the pool, I struggled to get out, I struggled to get dressed.
I have to laugh at myself now...how I wish it was just a now and then occurance these days. Oh no, I am reminded regularly just quite how my will does not meet my capabilities. The lightbulb has gone out in the kitchen and it needs to be changed. A few moments ago, I climbed up the step ladder to do it, and the realised just how disasterous this could end with a nasty sinus infection that makes me dizzy and a loose pelvis that makes me unstable. Needless to say, I scuffled back down.
Of course, its not just the physical tasks on a to do list. Its everything. Dressing and changing Georgia, getting her up and down the stairs, bringing Ellis' activity of the day (usually lego) down the stairs, laundry, teh floors, cooking, doing...anything feels much like a hurculean task these days, not helped by lack of sleep and a virus that has completely wiped me out.
In a former life, I would have just suffered through. Done them all (or not and say I did), but I am learning to say yes to help. So when texts come through offering to entertain a small boy for a few hours, I say yes. Or when someone offers a lift, yes is my answer. A meal, absolutely. Coffee, are you kidding? Of course.
Probably more importantly, I am also learning to say no. Activities out and about are on hiatus. Committing to much of anything these days is a "we'll have to play it by ear" affair. Sadly, I had to close the etsy and folksy shops this week as well as refunding some customers money as I had to prioritise getting well and taking care of my home and family and most important of all, using that time to say "yes" to Ellis and Georgia. I felt awful for letting people down, but knew it was the right thing.
And so, yes, right now I am going back to bed while Georgia naps and, no, I won't be touching that pille of laundry for a good long while.